I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?