We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.