first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?