Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.