When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.