Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.