I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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