I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she told me i tasted like america
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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