Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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