She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
