so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
