If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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