he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
