Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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