his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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