Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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