It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
