Your dad touched me again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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