so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
