She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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