Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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