Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
