Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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