he shaved USA in his pubs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
