Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
