Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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