that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he thought i was a dude.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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