So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
