yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
