Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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