smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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