I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
