The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
