I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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