i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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