so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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