woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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