it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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