I hate your face
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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