OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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