I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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