I'm gonna have a badass scar
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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