I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
