I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
