There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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