oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
