get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
