she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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