i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".