you suck at this game today
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?