The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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