she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Are we still banned from the library?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
