im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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