i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
