Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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