I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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